i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
