I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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