Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
