just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
