I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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