if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
