im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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