we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
