I hate your face
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
