when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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