I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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