So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
