we have pet lesbian snakes
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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