It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The ass gains better be worth it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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