you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
