the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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