so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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