soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
