He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
