Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
