your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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