I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
