Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
