i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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