who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
