One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
