The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
