Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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