We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
