Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
