My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
