one might say we're banned from that church
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
