Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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