we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
