He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
