they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
