I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
