it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
