i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
