I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
