i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
