What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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