dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
