Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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