Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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