We're like a lot better than the average bears
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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