So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
