why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
