Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
