so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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