my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
