Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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